There are three things that make me furious beyond belief. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, HATE these three things! The earliest of which angered me in the fourth grade, and I am honestly still seething. I will list them in the next three paragraphs. My friend Haley Corwin is involved in one of them. She’s the only person who could possibly feel as strongly as me about this. I will start with the least of my enemies.
#3: The Inkheart Movie.
We watched the Inkheart movie last night. August 19th. 2009. I will never forget that night. I’ve read all three books in the series, and really liked them. Not the movie. Can you spell terrible? I sure can. I can also spell, “This-movie-would-be-terrible-even-to-someone-who-didn’t-read-the-book.” The budget apparently couldn’t allow a Mo or Meggie who could read out loud particularly well, an Elinor who was built like a wardrobe, or a Capricorn who wasn’t bald and didn’t look permanently jolly. They had time to freakin’ put strange word ruins on the people who were read imperfectly out of the book by Darius (who was certainly un-owlish looking), but they couldn’t include the escape from the sheds? They added a stable full of creatures from books, they gave Capricorn a castle, and added the Wizard of Oz tornado, but couldn’t seem to include when Meggie discovered her power, which actually happened?!? This movie made me so mad because it was 2 hours of unnecessary and confusing add-ons, and they took out a huge amount of important events. Plus it was really corny.
` #2: The Charlie Bone book.
It was the summer between the 3rd and 4th grade. There was some read-ten-books-and-get-a-prize thing going on. Nobody told me it was another book. But, I digress. One book my mom got me was…. *hissing voice* CHARLIE BONE. Supposedly, if you liked Harry Potter, you would like Charlie Bone. What they forgot to mention was if you liked Harry Potter, and were looking for a complete copy right violation that wasn’t even good, THEN you’d like Charlie Bone. I hate Charlie Bone. His Dad was some quidditch-er, piano, prodigy, and Charlie was too. I believe he had a scar. Some mysterious guy had 3 bright red, yellow, and orange cats, kind of like a pheonix.
My Aunt Mindy wrote an unpublished book while she was working (she always finished really quickly), as a sort of personnel project. I want her to get it published and become a famous author. Then, she can contact J.K. Rowling, and she can sue the probably copy-righted pants off of the Charlie Bone writer.
#3: The Eragon Movie
I love the Eragon series. I really do. It embodies everything I love: magic, mythical creatures, and *giggle* elves, specifically Arya. But the movie…. A-b-s-o-l-u-t-e heartbreak. When we found out that the our favorite book, Eragon, was being made into a movie, my friend Haley Corwin and I were SO EXCITED. How could something so pure and good like Eragon possibly be corrupted by some film maker? Weelll, apparently, Mr. Dream-crushing director had a part time job as a butcher, because that movie was hacked! What the profanity was that guy thinking?!?
First of all, what happened to the Urgals? They are a key component to the books. They made the Ra’zac into freakin’ insect swarms, with little to no resemblence of their true forms. Not only that, but they commited the unforgiveable evil of killing not one but both of them off, even though technically this was the first book.
Another atrocity that was commited is they cut Solembum the werecat. And Angela the herbalist, who saved both Arya and Eragon’s life. You might be thinking, “Get over it. They have to cut some things.” Yes, I know that. But they cut Tronjheim, City of The Dwarves. GGGGGRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That means they also cut Isidar Mithrin, the Star Rose! Gosh, that movie made me mad. They had to time to put the Shade, Durza, on a huge smoke bat, but they couldn’t kill Brom the right way.
After the movie, neither Haley or I could talk. I didn’t want to launch into an enraged monologue and insult Haley, and since she wasn’t talking either, I figured the damage was already done. But she actually felt the same way. The monologue was launched.
*Sigh* Oh well. Point is, don’t ever come to my house to engage in a pro-Charlie Bone discussion. I will destroy you personally.
